So yeah, it's 2013 and I haven't posted shit in a long time. Sue me, I've been busy and it's not like I have any followers. Ok, I have one...but she doesn't count, she's my friend.  The child is now 4 and funny as can be which amazes me for many reasons, but the most important reason is well...he's 4. I am highly amused by a four year old.  He cracks me up on a regular basis. This could mean a few things: 1. I need a life  2. My meds are really working 3. He just might really be funny and 4. I really need a life.  I haven't decided yet.  Anywho....Holiday season is here and we are all going crazy trying to find the best toys for our kids that already have everything that they see on tv and want more, and yet we still buy them more shit. You do it too so stop shaking your head.  I've decided to try to help you find some good deals here, so click the links and have fun shopping. If you don't want to click them, fine....but then you get to pay a hell of a lot more than the rest of us. Whatever. You're choice. Just click the link....I can't get the picture to show up...it's not a virus..have some balls....just click it. Get it for your dog or donated it to a rescue!!!

Dino Chew Toy

I really need to start taking my computer with me every single place I go. I get these great ideas to write about it, and wind up cracking myself up as I compose them in my head, and then I get home with every intention of getting on here and telling all of you about it, and then my son sucks it out of my brain and just like that *poof* it's gone.  Like right now....I can't think of anything. No thoughts are coming to me, and it's almost painful to watch my fingers try to type something.  It's like watching Thing from The Adams Family.  Weird

I think my son threw his first temper tantrum tonight.  Actually, I'm pretty sure that's what it was.  He didn't want to go to sleep, and was very adamant that I knew this. Arms swinging in the air as I tried to hold him, and I'm positive that he actually aimed for my face.  It was weird watching it. Kind of like watching a train wreck. You don't want to look, but you just can't help it. It's there, in your face. Well, at least his hand was in my face. 

We're going out Saturday night .... backyard bbq/party!! My friends birthday, and man...I'm looking forward to it. The temper-pedic kid will be at my sister's house, so momma is having a good time.  I just have to remember that I have to get him in the morning, so that I don't drink too much. Ok, not TONS. Or excessive tons. I don't know if that's possible right now.  Hopefully my maturity level will kick in that night. If not, I'm screwed for the next day!  I know, good job Mommy.  Screw you, I deserve it.  Besides, you're just jealous that you can't pass your kid off for the night and have a good time!

If you like my blog, feel free to pass it along to others. Who knows, maybe there are other moms like me out there. I can't be the only one. Can I?

How the hell did I wind up here?

I'm going to wind up offending someone here. And by here, I mean blogger. But how in the hell did I wind up in a circle of blogs all about happy, happy, sunshine and rainbow moms?  Not for nothing, but really?

I figured I would click on 'next blog' and wound up wondering how did I step into the Brady Bunch reruns. *sigh*  This is not my life.  Maybe they found some really good ''meds'' to put them in that world. I don't know. But if that's the world those meds put them in, I don't want any part of it. I like my WTF world.  To bad only one other person does too......

Dear Gravity...you suck

I'm no spring chicken, I know this. But lately I've started to see things about me that are making me cringe. I'd like to cover all the mirrors in my house, but then my BF might start to see the things I don't like. He seems to be oblivious, which for once, is fine by me.

I've never been a skinny girl, nor would I like to be. I like food, it's my friend. One of my longest ones, actually. But lately it seems as though it is beginning to conspire against me. It's going places I really would prefer that it didn't, and if I could....I'd ground it....

I'm also wondering if this 'mommy pouch' is ever going to go away. My stomach shouldn't go near my va-jay-jay.  It's just not right. And it looks ridiculous when I try to stuff it in a pair of jeans.  Putting real clothes on is a task. Like a work out session task. Which in hindsight, could be a good thing, but I really don't want to be all sweaty by the time I have finally managed to get into my jeans and then got my cute heels on......I mean, come on...I just showered!

I'm also starting to notice that my boobs are starting to look like 'mom boobs'. You know the type. Even with a bra on, they still like to hang out near your belly button. I'm sure they are bored with each other and would like some new scenery, but my belly button is the wrong crowd to be hanging out with. Maybe I could convince them that if they went in the other direction they could have a much better conversation with everyone up north.  I'll have to work on that.....

I'm really going to have to start using my fit flops for more than just everyday things. I really should start walking in them, like power walking, not back and forth in the house.  Fit flops are the best invention ever! They have helped my back, tightened up my calves,and when I'm really trekking to keep my son from the cats food bowl, is when I can really feel the burn. They rock! I need more though. I need them in every color b/c red just doesn't go with everything......

If I can ever get the 'amazon associates to work right, I'll link you to the Fit Flops......get them. Wear them. Love them. To bad the don't make fit flops for boobs......

Definition of a Stay At Home Mom

I'm sure there are plenty of you out there who know what the real, true definition of a stay at home mom is, but sadly there are many who think it's all about staying home and playing with your child. Oh, how I wish.

Let me preface this with the reason I am giving the definition. And not Webster's definition. Webster is an idiot....and obviously a man who never stayed home w/ his children. I'm giving you MY definition. But, alas...I digress. The reason: I came home from an event, kind of excited. Not peeing in my pants excited, but more like I had a nice night, found something that interested me excited. Now, let me say....I do not expect this gift. Cost way to much money. It was just nice to think 'wow.....someday, I could own this'....keyword:: SOMEDAY. Not today, not tomorrow, not next year...someday. I was told, upon explaining what I had found, that I need to 'get a job' first! WOW...thanks for sending a missile through my balloon. Asshat. Hmmm, a job. Mmmkay....While I know that my 'job' doesn't pay the bills, and he works as much as he can, and I appreciate it like he could never imagine....my JOB is running this house. My job is caring for our son.

So, before I go on another rampage, let me give you my definition of a Stay At Home Mom:

A SAHM is the finder of lost paci's, blankets, and socks. (Sometimes, I swear the sock monster eats the paci's.) A SAHM gets up before everyone, usually no later than 6am, every single day (that's 7 days a week, incase you were wondering) just so she can get that much needed jolt of caffeine running through her veins before the house wakes up. (ignoring the cats plea for food...they'll survive another hour). She makes breakfast, cleans the dishes, and cleans up the breakfast mess of scrambled eggs all over the floor. She does laundry, puts it away, makes the bed, picks up clothes that have been through on the floor. She cleans the bathroom that you mess up as soon as you come home. She soothes a crying baby, plays with him, loves him and teaches him things that you don't get a chance to. *you really think I wanted my son to say 'daddy' first? NO.....mommy would have been nice....oh well.

A SAHM brings the baby all over the place in order to socialize him with the world. I'm not just galavanting around.....he's learning in the process. She scours the newspapers for coupons, and food shops late at night so as to get the better deals and without people....the silence is great! She makes dinner for you, feeds the baby his dinner (although you do help, on occasion), cleans up the dinner mess, from both of you, then finally gets to eat her dinner.

She does your laundry, vacuums your house, dusts, polishes, scrubs things down. She feeds the cats, cleans their litter box, reorganizes things, she does every single thing that you do not do. Then when 9/10pm rolls around, she goes to bed just to start everything all over again at 6am.

So, the next time someone hears that you're a SAHM and says "get a job" show them this. Then tell them that they can do all of that for 1 week. Betcha they'll never say that again....

Somedays I wonder how women do this with more than one kid!? I even know of a few who have infants that are a month or two older than my son, and are pregnant again...wtf? Why? And where in the hell do they even get the strength to have sex? It's 7:30pm right now and I feel like I am way past my bedtime, and the thought of having sex? Kiss my ass. I swear, the day he is off of formula for good, I just might throw a party! Maybe for each milestone like that I will. It might make things a tad bit more exciting for me! Not that my life isn't exciting, because it is. Well, in the 'aw look, he flipped himself over' kind of way. What? You don't think that's exciting? Oh, wait. ..I forgot...you probably have a real life. I had one of those once.........aah, memories.......

Ok, so this entry wasn't as exciting as some of my others....sue me. Let's see you wake up 4x a night b/c your kid keeps flipping himself over in his sleep and waking himself up, and then cries because he doesn't want to be on his back. So, you flip him over like a pancake, and cross your fingers that he actually does go back to sleep so that you may be allowed to go back to bed. Only to crawl back into bed, get nice and comfy and then listen to your significant other snore so sweetly right into your ear so that it reverberates off of your brain. And once you are finally able to fall asleep to that racket (it becomes cathartic after awhile), you hear that baby monitor again........and around and around it goes.....let's see how witty you are after all of that......smart ass

Teething is punishment for our past

Yes, I fully believe that to be true. Teething is someone's way of getting back at me for all of the things I have done in my past. Personally, I don't think that is a fair deal, but hey, maybe that's just me.

The two little white nubs that are still coming up are like razors. I'm convinced that babies are part T-Rex with those things. They friggin hurt, and he loves to 'nibble' on my fingers. I should 'nibble' on his chubby little fingers and see how he likes it. On the upside of this horror movie, at least he isn't running a fever or any of that other crap that everyone keeps trying to scare me with. And he's lucky he's a cute kid, or we'd have some really serious issues here.

And now, to top things off, I can no longer lug his chunky ass around in his infant carrier because he is just at the weight limit. Wonderful. Now I have to carry him in and out of the store (I go to Wawa a lot)......peachy. He won't just 'sit on my hip' either. No. He has to look around and see anything and every single thing that is going on. Oh, look a person on the left...wait, there's someone on the right, ohhh, wait....more people behind me. His head whips around so fast that one of us is going to wind up with a concussion......And you know what? I think it's going to be me.

So far, I have yet to hear any of the other new mothers, that I know, complain about anything. I guess they were angels in their past lives, b/c so far it all seems to be little puppies and cotton candy for them. Says a lot about my past, huh?

It's now 7:30 at night, and I am ready to pass out cold...........wonderful